i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
