dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
