I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize