Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
even my farts smell like vagina
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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