Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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