I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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