I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
