I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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