I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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