mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
