and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
