I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize