Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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