That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
