I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize