Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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