I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
