the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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