I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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