Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
