Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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