I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
