Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
