I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
