goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
