I need to stop coming to work sober
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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