never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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