just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The beer is more important than you right now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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