I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Someone came in the potted fern
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
