Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize