Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There r osticjed everywhere
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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