i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
