He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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