I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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