i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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