Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
