i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
how drunk are you?
Several
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
