you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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