I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
