Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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