If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
