I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
