A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
this hospital has no fireball
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
