Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
