she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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