three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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