And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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