I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
