He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
