well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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