I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
