god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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