He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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