he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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