are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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