lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
