My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
