At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
