can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
