If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
