his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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