the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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