Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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