I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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