i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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