If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
