the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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