My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
