The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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