whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
