i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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