If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
