While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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