i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
