dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
