I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
