So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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