There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
