Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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