guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
