I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize