i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
