I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
