Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
