well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
